i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize