ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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