I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
