I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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