oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Randomize
