Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize