How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
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