I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Randomize
