I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Randomize
