Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
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