If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
