he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Randomize
