I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
