the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
I don't deserve a penis
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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