Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
