In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
