Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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