There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Randomize
