it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Randomize
