I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
