On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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