I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Randomize
