you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Randomize
