Plan B is the new Plan A
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
