I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Randomize
