I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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