I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
