uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Randomize
