i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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