My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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