dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
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