Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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