Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Randomize
