jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
