and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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