I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
