WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
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