Someone shit on the floor
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Randomize
