you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
