sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
