I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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