Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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