I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
