im having a threesome with these popsicles
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Randomize
