Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
