Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
