evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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