He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Four minutes until I can fart!
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Randomize
