im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
