New invention idea: vibrating tampons
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Randomize
