Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
