So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Randomize