I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
farters have to be the big spoon...
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Randomize
