The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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