roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
