Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Two words: blizzard sex
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Randomize
