did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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