I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
