If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
