i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
