I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
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