I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
honey bunches of taint.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I need to calm my uterus...
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