So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
