This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
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