new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
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