Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
