It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
