i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
