HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
