he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
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