Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
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